My Worst Secret Revealed! Can You Help!?Sorry if this is long but this one is complicated. Read and you'll see.
I've been married for almost 3 years and though things have been great, we're slowly tearing apart as i've become increasingly attracted to my sister-in-law. She's an amazing person and someone who I can spend hours being around where my wife has seemed to get "comfortable" with doing nothing with me. Now I know the first thought in everyone's head is "It's just lust" but I honestly doubt it. Though the girl is a knock-out now she hasn't always been. She dealt with obesity a few years back and I loved her then. Her strength and personality pushed her to shed the pounds and land her dream job and that alone inspired me to be a stronger person as well. I am a logical and rational person and know the impossibility of a relationship forming between us but the attraction is powerful and I have tried several times to get her out of my head but just the very sight of her brings back the same feelings. I've chocked this up to it being me looking for an emotional outlet but after a year of separation from her and a reunion shortly after, the feeling is stronger then ever. But then it gets worse. Recent financial difficulties has caused her to move in with us. We occasionally are alone I can't help myself from touching, talking or looking at her. It gets worse...when we are alone now she acts almost in response to how I act around her almost as if she knows but pretends like she doesn't She'll do things like stroke my hair when we sit close to each other or "play" wrestle whilst on top of the bed after "arguing" over something we saw on TV. When we walk out in public we'll regularly lock hands for a brief moment then separate in a somewhat akward way. She tends to hold onto my arm as we walk and will even come to lay down on me when i'm alone in a room watching TV or reading a book. When we're home alone she'll complain about foot and back pains and I (happily) give her feet and back massages with a very "tender" touch. She doesn't seem to mind any of it and we carry on during the day around her sister and family like nothings happened. This mind bender is that some days she'll barely acknowledge that I exist. I can't help but wonder now if she feels anything towards me despite me being her sisters husband or if she's playing me. I have truly fallen for this girl finding myself doing things for this girl that I wouldn't do for my own wife. Is this Lust? Is this Love? I'm not completely obsessed with her but I whole heartedly feel like I would do anything for her. I'd happily let her go off with another man if it meant that she'd be TRULY happy because it's all that matters to me. Recently, I oversaw a text conversation she had with another guy that was sexually explicit and it killed me inside. Over a few days I realized that I was in no position to be anything more than a friend to her without risking hurting the people we loved and figured i'd let it be. I feel miserable in my marriage now and want nothing more than to leave for the sole reason of it would take me away from my thoughts of HER. I know I'm in love but can't understand it. I've tried "tricking" myself into being unattracted to her but it fails the moment I see her again. I'm a tortured soul now. I'm planning to leave my wife in the coming months because this feeling would undoubtedly lead me to suicide and that it the only way out. Any ideas on what else I can do? Do you think she's attracted to me? Should I leave everyone and don't look back? She's smart, compassionate, and stunning. I don't think I'll ever tell my sister-in-law how I feel but I know for sure that i'll always love her. Comments greatly appreciated.
To those answering: I have thought about the mutual affection being simply platonic on her part but some things just don't feel "friendly". To answer the previous comment, I am not without my wife because she's not intimate with me because in fact it's quite the opposite. She'll throw herself at me but I just don't "feel" it anymore and have to make up some excuse (sick, tired, or sleepy). My wife is young and gorgeous but she deserves to be with someone who loves her as much as I love her sister...jeez it felt weird to type that. Anyways, thanks for the comments guy. I'm not sure what i'm going to do but I feel like i'm going to explode if I don't tell her how I feel but if I do then it's the end. Luckily there are no kids involved, no house or expenses of any kind between my wife and I. If we were to split it'd be done in a heartbeat.
Answer by debbie
OMG what a tough situation. To be honest i would go for it with the sister in law. The best thing to do is to confide in her your thoughts of leaving your wife and see what her opinion is. She may indicate that she feels just as you do but may not do anything about it unless you separate from your wife as it would be very messy. You seem to get on so well and shes a lucky girl to have a guy that crazy about her. I hope it all works out for you. :)
Answer by Heilig Story
Please don't kill yourself, you may feel that way but it won't help (believe me i've tried and it doesn't help at all) So please don't do that.
Its a very delicate situation you're in, It does sound like you love her which is confuseing.
How do you feel about your wife? Do you still love her?
(sorry if this sounds mean) but did you stop loving her because she wasn't being "intimate" anymore?
I do know that many people have that fantasy (i'm not saying that yours is a fantasy) of sleeping with their wifes/gf's sister, it sounds like yours is an extreme version of that :(
About the texts - you are married, you can't expect your sister-in-law to refrain from having her own relationships, she is an adult woman, maybe she figures becuase you are taken that she is free to do what she wants?
The only thing i can say is, talk to your sister-in-law, see how she feels, But Please, please, please talk to your wife. That's the one thing i know is that this will hurt her so much, don't lie to her or anything, just say what your are feeling and how you are going to deal with it.
I'm sorry if that wasn't helpful or anything you wanted to hear, that's just my opinion of what you said.
Answer by cebuanabeauty
omg, but good you share this complicated but all has solution for this, but no to suicidal thoughts please.... telling her sister or your sister in law would be awkward that's for sure,maybe she just look up to you as a brother who cares for her. sometimes we misunderstood what other people's action but ending your marriage because you love her sister is quiet upsetting for sure. good for sharing,at least you can think things over...
Answer by Kristen
You are feeling this way due to the lack of attention your wife is not giving you. It is a mere lust, and you are attracted to her because she sees you, talks to you, and giving you companionship. Sadly, she sees this. Since she doesn't want to hurt her sister she is talking to another guy. (Thus the texts you saw)
Crushing on another person is common in a lot of relationships. It's okay as long as it doesn't go any further. What you are doing is crossing the line of this lust. Tell your wife how you feel about her, DO NOT say anything about feelings for her sister. Maybe you just need that little spark that you had when you were first with her. Seek some couples therapy. If you do not want to be with her, then you should leave. Why suffer?
Like and lust, in time it goes away. I wouldn't try to do anymore with her sister. You don't need any bad blood in the family.
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